Wednesday, April 11, 2012


“If you had the perfect plum, what would you do with it?” Charlotte leaned across the back of the sofa and grabbed at the bowl of fruit on the dining table. Her younger sister ignored the question. Her mind was on a painting she wanted to finish.

“Are you listening to me, Eleanor Czsinsky?”

"No. Can you hurry up and pick your fruit and go? I want to work."

Eleanor, the quiet one, was impatient today. Something in the air told her she’d resolve the problem that had eluded her ever since she had begun working on the canvas tacked up in her studio. It was her first time making a painting this large; that was part of the problem. The sheer scale of it was daunting and exhilarating at the same time. Charlotte had come round to tell her the New York lottery was now worth seven hundred and twenty-four million (as if she didn’t know).

"Ellie, seven twenty-four is your birthday. You have to enter. It's a sign."

Eleanor rolled her eyes. Her sister continued to chatter away like a canary. The only thing that will stop her, Eleanor thought, is if all the oxygen disappears from the room; standard cause of death for birds in a mine shaft when the air gives out. Eleanor was not unkind by nature but sometimes her sister drove her mind to extreme thoughts. Still, she couldn't complain. Charl’s incessant babbling, like a brook oblivious to the fact that it was deafening the trees nearby, was also a source of inspiration. How was it possible that she and her sister were related and yet so different? This was a question in her art she never tired of exploring: how things apparently related could be so diametrically opposed.

“I’m serious, Charl. You have to go. I have to work.”

“You’re just like Mom. Work. That’s all she ever cared about. Everyone says you’re just like she was at our age. All she ever thought about was art. That’s why—”

“Dad named me, Eleanor. I know.”

“I didn’t mean—. I meant—.”

“It’s all right, Charl. I don’t mind talking about Mom, honestly, I don’t. But not today. I really do need to get on with my work. Talk later, okay?”

* * * * * * * * * *

“Not crowded, then, Hari?” Eleanor smiled at the young man in the newsagent on the corner of her street. “I thought it’d be packed.”

“Comes and goes, Ellie. The big rush’ll be right before we close at ten forty-five. We’re staying open late, special like.”

Hari’s parents had moved to New York in the nineties, in search of a better life than Mother India had provided. And a better education for their son.

Eleanor took the pencil Hari offered and began to black out the numbers. Thirty-eight, three, and eighteen, for her mother. Twenty-one, for the boy whose kiss had moved the earth under her feet…the song buzzed in her head. Twenty-two, for the tree of life she’d learned about in a comparative religion class. And, then, her birthday. “Seven twenty-four. It’s a sign,” Charl had said. Eleanor didn’t believe in signs, but perhaps, just this once, she should.

“You pick a winner, then, Ellie?” Hari joked as he slid the card through the lotto machine. Eleanor crossed her fingers and smiled.

Beautiful girl, Hari thought, as Eleanor left the store, surprised by the sudden rush of blood that spiked through his head.

* * * * * * * * * * *

There’s no such thing as the perfect plum, Eleanor reflected, sucking on a plum stone before spitting it into her hand. There’s only the exact moment of ripeness, and the way the sweetness seeps into your tongue and slides down your throat. The way an idea appears and, unfailingly, you know it's exactly how the big bang felt the instant nothing became everything.

She looked at the clock. Three in the morning. Perhaps Charl was right. The money could bring to fruition all kinds of things she had never imagined. It didn’t have to alter her belief in the importance of earning a living on the strength of her art. Perhaps she’d have to change her name: she knew from the rules her name would be plastered all over the news the minute she cashed in the ticket. But what was in a name?

Hadn’t Shakespeare said a plum by any other name would taste as sweet.

I contemplated the idea that became this piece, the night of the mega New York lottery at the end of March. I wondered whether a writer or an artist in any discipline would stop wanting to earn money on the strength of their work if they won the lottery. I came to the conclusion that I would not and Eleanor took on my view.

Friday, March 23, 2012


It was at a garden party in Giverny that Claude Monet caught sight of the girl. She was wearing a straw hat, dyed black, which was out of keeping her with dress. Though it was lovely in itself. There was something familiar about her, Monet thought, though he was sure they had never met.

Mademoiselle, wait up a moment. Please. He called out as she walked ahead.

She turned, and he saw, her eyes were the colour of sky, her lashes the darkness of sea. Her skin was the delicate cream of water lilies in bud.

Why do I know you, Mademoiselle, when we have never met?

The girl smiled, and her hat was carried away on a nearby cloud.

Now her hair was unadorned except for stray lights of gold and silver that wove a diadem of sunlight over her brow. Her dress was a river of flowers on leaf green boats.

Come, Monsieur, I will show you. Take my hand and you will see how you and I first met.

In the garden ladies strolled talking of Michelangelo. The tinkle of tea cups and laughter in the summer air mingled with the fragrance of lavender and rosemary, honeysuckle and sweet pea. But none of these things, which normally were of great interest to Monsieur Monet, could pull him away from the girl with the outstretched hand. He took it, not caring who saw. He wanted to paint the beauty he felt, because of her. And yet it was not her beauty he wanted to capture, it was something else. Something he could not yet grasp. But he knew she would show him, and it would be stupendous.

Her hand was surprisingly cool. She led him to the great pond beyond the marquee where later a band would play, and couples would dance in the luminous night.

The pond was as still as silver-lined glass. It reflected his image and he understood. The girl by his side was a water nymph. The pond was her home. The lilies were hers. Her dress would be one with the pond as soon as she stepped into water. It was made of the same magic that reverted to stars Cinderella’s ball gown at midnight.

So it was, Claude Monet painted his water lilies—her water lilies—and in years to come people marvelled at his ability to capture the tranquility of the pond, the incandescence of the blooms, the translucence of sky and cream colour clouds. But they never caught sight of the nymph with a diadem on her brow. Or a black straw hat on a distant nearby cloud.

A few days ago, a writer friend, Lia Keyes, posted an article in the New York Times about a Monet painting whose ownership is in dispute. At the time, she said she'd love it if someone wrote the story. I printed the article after reading it and promptly forgot about it. Last night, I read Katherine Mansfield's short story, The Garden Party, in bed. As soon as I turned off the light I thought, I should add "The Garden Party" to my list of nouns (possible titles) for short story ideas. Then I attempted to fall asleep. But it was not to be. Claude Monet appeared in a garden in Giverny, talking with a young girl in hat of straw dyed black. (In Katherine Mansfield's story, much is made of a black hat with black velvet ribbons.) After the light was turned on several times, to scribble sentences on a post it pad, I realized I should get up and write the story otherwise I would forget by the time morning rolled around. The upshot was a short, short story, flash fiction, really, under 500 words, of how Claude Monet came to paint his famous water lilies. This morning, clearing the table of printed papers before breakfast, I came across the article about the disputed Monet painting and realized *this* was the reason Claude Monet paid a visit to my imagination last night.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Self-Reliance Day 1

I signed up for #Trust30, an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey.

We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. – Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

Prompt by Gwen Bell
You just discovered you have fifteen minutes to live. 1. Set a timer for fifteen minutes. 2. Write the story that has to be written.

Here goes.

The letter dropped from her hand. The paper was thick and ivory and bordered with a thin strip of pure silver. The door stood silent, not daring to say anything after a hurried "goodbye" to the winged messenger who had brought the note and handed it to the frowning girl.

Of all days, this was the last thing she wanted to read: the end of her life. Why today? Why now? She had paintings to finish and supper to make and a birthday to celebrate tomorrow. And now. This. Fifteen minutes to live, the note said. She had known what it was the minute the envelope iced her hand. The messenger wasn't Death, though she wished now it had been. At least she would have gone before she had time to think. She bent down and picked up the fallen page. Fire burned through the letters of her name and the time of her imminent death, looping flames of colour that trailed across the paper like the tail of a snake across sand. Fifteen minutes to live the note had said. It was worth repeating. It was a lot less than that now. She refused to look at her watch. What good was to know she'd wasted time standing at the door instead of doing whatever people did when they knew they had fifteen minutes left to live.

"Wait!" she cried out to the empty air. "Come back. I need to speak with you."

In an instant the room shimmered with light and in a stream of blazing white a figure stood in front of the girl.

"You delivered this message to me didn't you?" the girl demanded though she knew the answer. "Why?"

"Because you know who I am. I wanted to give you a second chance. Before it’s too late."

"A second chance? At what? To be the nobody I was before I made a deal with the Devil? Look at me. I'm the most famous painter in the world!"

"A chance to be yourself before it's too late."

"Myself?" Her words stopped. "Who am I? I'm a poor girl from a broken family who had a mediocre talent in art. People laughed when I said I wanted to be a painter. That's the person you want me to be in the last few minutes of my life instead of who I've become?"

"In your mediocre talent was a seed of light to be great, and to live a good life. You just had to trust yourself that it would carry you through the dark. You chose a different path. But it's not too late."

The girl felt the minutes draining away from her, her heartbeat growing thinner, the blood slowing down. She knew the figure in front of her was right. He was her guardian angel. He knew everything she had done and left undone. She felt the weight of regret in her eyes as she looked into the streaming light.

"What should I do?" she said. "Show me the way back to myself."

Note: #trust30 is the twitter hashtag to post responses and read those of others who are taking part in this 30-day challenge.

I wrote this short piece directly onto this blog for the allotted time, without pausing to think. During the last minute, the scene led to a small ending, while leaving open the possibility of enlarging the story at a later time.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

All works of art are commissioned in the sense that no artist can create one by a simple act of will but must wait until what he believes to be a good idea for a work comes to him. - W.H. Auden

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Power of Simplicity

The power of simplicity is its ability to untangle complexity.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Where is the Present Moment?

I'm aware of a different relationship to Time emerging in my experience. That pre-thought knowledge has always been there; I just wasn't paying attention deeply enough. It's hard to describe, because the nature of Time is ephemeral.

Often, the hardest thing to do is to find a starting place to describe that which cannot ultimately be defined in words (at least not the words we currently use).

At one point, during the development of material for the Unleashing Originality workshop, Trudy, Linda and I recognized that to generate depth we had to put our attention on the goal itself. However we began was simply a place to start. We knew we would go somewhere, if we didn't concern ourselves with trying to get it "right," from the beginning. We trusted our commitment to go somewhere together and, interestingly, we did--every single time. This experience fuels my confidence these days: knowing everything is possible if we are willing to surrender to not knowing (paradoxical, but true).

All of which is not exactly on topic but is bringing me closer to being able to answer my question: "Where is the Present Moment?"

Friday, October 30, 2009

Sisterhood is Everything & More ...

Shortly after my return from the retreat in Tuscany, Linda, Trudy and I got together with Megan Dietz, for coffee.

We had a good time with Megan, discussing her inspired ideas to bring Bright Green into mainstream culture through workshops at universities. After Megan left the cafe, Linda, Trudy and I continued our conversation until closing time. What happened next is one of those cosmic mysteries; or something out of the Twilight Zone: take your pick.

We were on 40th Street close to Avenue of the Americas. Just before the subway entrance there's a storefront with a slightly recessed display window. Something made us stop in front the store and continue our conversation. Less than three feet away, a pile of black garbage bags spilled trash onto the street. All around us cars and buses honked as they travelled uptown along Sixth Avennue, or sped toward the east side on 40th Street.

And then, in a way that is always mysterious, it was as if our surroundings were like a parallel world, and everything we said fell into a space of depth and trust between us...lightness of being became present in each of us, and our words became interchangeable; and yet not. I cannot remember anything we said. I only remember the field of unity consciousness between us.

We stayed talking outside that shop front for nearly two hours. Reluctantly, we decided to part ways and head for home. Still, we didn't seem to want to separate. Trudy and I walked Linda to Port Authority where she had parked her car. Then we walked back to the red line and caught the subway together to the upper west side.

Little did we know, on that late summer evening, what would begin to create itself out of the emptiness we had experienced on West 40th Street, New York.

To be continued...